The Strength of a Man

“No, when a king forgets who he is, he looks for himself in the rubble of conquered cities. He is haunted by a bottomless pit in his soul, and he will pour the blood of nations into it until the pit swallows the man himself.”  

-- Andrew Peterson, The Wingfeather Saga

My major at West Point was Military History. One of the classes I needed to take was taught by my Freshman Rowing coach (and eventual thesis advisor), Dr. Eugenia Kielsling. I’ve struggled (in this article) to describe Coach K. I’ve written, deleted, and re-written this paragraph a dozen times. In some ways, she was a walking contradiction. She was an Ivy League and Oxford educated Liberal Elite. But two of her longest teaching stops were the University of Alabama and West Point, where she eventually retired after a long tenure. She was an eclectic person and a bit eccentric, but was one of the best professors and coaches I’ve ever had. Anyway, the course was entitled A Cultural History of Warfare in Western Civilization. Colloquially, Coach K referred to it as “Sex and Violence.”

One of the lessons I learned, which is an obvious one really, is that the ancient misuse of strength is well known and well documented. When a man realized he was strong, he would regularly turn that strength into conquest: military, political, sexual, economic…you name it...he would seek to dominate the world around him.

Not surprisingly, that trend never abated.  Too many men leverage their strength to dominate the world…they put others down to get ahead in their career; they manipulate and deceive to have as much sex as they can; they acquire as much money as possible by any means necessary to gain status and stuff; they form transactional relationships with everyone they meet and cover it up with the guise of “networking”. To some extent, we’ve all been there at different times, some of us longer than others.

This is a far cry from the Ancient Hebrew ethic passed down to the early Christians to “exercise dominion” over God’s created world. The shared Latin root of “dominate” and “dominion” goes back to the word for Lordship. Each word offers two competing visions of what Lordship means.

On the other hand, men who are leery of misusing their strength for hedonistic domination run into their own set of problems. For fear they will hurt others by being too aggressive, assertive, domineering, or controlling, they pursue an ethic of “niceness.”  Sometimes, this outward posture is a way to gain approval and mask deep insecurities. Sometimes, it comes from a place of genuine fear. Either way, this posture will lead many men into destructive passivity, failing to own and be intentional about the most important things in their life: their marriage, their children, their faith, their physical and mental health, their emotional health, and their vocations.

If I’m honest, I’ve oscillated between both poles at different times in my life and for different reasons. But neither is particularly helpful and neither encapsulates what I believe to be God’s vision for human flourishing.

Jon Tyson defines masculinity as the “joyful pursuit of sacrificial responsibility.” Note what masculinity is not: it's not about trucks and guns and beer and football or some other cultural stereotype about "being a man." Being a man who is fully alive will always mean giving away your strength to the world around you. You must give away your physical strength. You must give away your mental strength. You must give away your emotional strength. You must give away your spiritual strength.

What a man does with his strength is possibly the most important thing he does in the course of his days. And yet this is one of the things so many men struggle with today. Like all positive change, it starts with a clear vision – a man is meant to give away his strength to the world around him.

Better Men is the online and in-person community we’re launching this month. I’ve been blown away by the response so far and honored to be able to help in any capacity I can. Our three core values (which come from my Pillar Leadership framework) are Purpose, Strength, and Community. So if you’re reading this and it resonated, reach out and let me know. Or like or comment - all helpful things to do. We’ve got a few different levels of engagement if you’re ready to jump in the community. And if not, I can throw you on the email list if you want to stay in the loop.

Men – you were made for an unimaginably significant purpose; your world will flourish when you give your strength away; and you were intended to do that in a community of other men. Whatever else you may do today, choose to make it a great day. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it.