This article first appeared in the print edition of the Kingsport Times News on Sunday, 17 July 2022. The full text is below, but I wanted to share a short comment first...I think this is a really important concept that we all too easily overlook. A lack of healthy communication sabotages meaningful relationship...we get fixated on what we "know" about what someone else is thinking or feeling. But the truth is, most of us don't. And most of our "knowledge" has more to do with us than the other person. Anyway, full text from that article is below:
I think the hardest part of Summer for my kids is that they’re around each other too much. I have two girls – 8 and 4. And don’t get me wrong, they usually have a great relationship and really enjoy being together. But during the school year, “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” In summer though, they’re constantly in each other’s spaces and faces. It seems like I’m breaking up fights and settling disputes…more than I want to.
For better or worse, I usually try to get to “the bottom of it” (whatever “it” is) so that future fights will be avoided. Occasionally I’m successful. Mostly I’m not. But usually, the conversation sounds like this: “Well, I knew that she knew that I wanted to play with that toy. So I took it before she could get to it because she doesn’t like me!”
A deep breath (or three) is required at this point.
Knowledge, as a broad category, is a tricky thing. The words of the Apostle Paul come to mind, “But knowledge puffs up while love builds up. Those who think they know something do not yet know as they ought to know. But whoever loves God is known by God.” (1 Corinthians 8:1–3)
Of course, the problem isn’t knowledge itself. Knowledge is not a bad thing. Human beings function in life based off what they know. The real problem seems to be when we allow what we know (or think we know) to become a source of moral superiority. Like kids fighting over toys, we know that “we” are right and “they” are wrong. Our certainty makes us proud and our pride turns our focus inward.
I think a lot of us thought that as we emerged from 2020, the recent pandemic, and its attendant chaos, the divisiveness and bitterness and anger in our society would dissipate. If anything, though, it seems to have intensified. If there is to be any way through it, genuine self-sacrificial love must be the path.
The world in which we live will focus our attention on what we “know” about others and their motives. Jesus invites us to focus our attention on the love of God and the humans we meet every day. Love, in this sense, is far more than sentiment or feeling but a decision of the will seeking and pursuing the good of those around us. In the end, this slight shift in our focus leads to a deep knowledge of God and self and others that can stand the test of eternity.
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