“Then Saul admitted to Samuel, “Yes, I have sinned. I have disobeyed your instructions and the Lord’s command, for I was afraid of the people and did what they demanded.” (1 Samuel 15:24, NLT)
I came across this line in my scripture reading the other day and found this thought enormously helpful. I think it might help you too.
By nature, I’m a people pleaser. I want people to like me. I dislike disappointing people. I don’t want to be misunderstood. One of the challenges that I often face in life and leadership is avoiding conflict. Sometimes, and I’m not proud of this, I’ve avoided doing or saying what needed to be done or said because I was afraid of the blowback that might result. But surely that's never happened to you before, right?
In the biblical narrative, Saul is anointed as the first King of Israel. He looks the part and, for the most part, does ok... for a little while at any rate. But he has a problem. He is chronically concerned with what others think about him. At this point in the story, Saul, and his army, fail to execute a command the Lord has given them. The prophet Samuel confronts him (as good prophets do). Saul tries to rationalize or explain away that what he did wasn’t really wrong per se. And ya know, he did what God wanted mostly. Sure, maybe it wasn’t all the way right, but it just depends on how you look at it…what’s the big deal? Samuel didn’t relent so Saul eventually did. And his excuse?
“…I was afraid of the people and did what they demanded.”
I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life. My guess is that you have too. But I’m increasingly convinced that the biggest mistake you can make as a leader is to compromise your own convictions and cave to group pressure. While there’s plenty of times in life and leadership that we just have no idea what’s next, there’s plenty more times where we know exactly what to do, but don’t do it. We don’t….
…make the call.
…end the relationship.
…have the difficult conversation.
…engage in the conflict.
…wait patiently.
…lead the change.
Many of us who are conscientious (and this is particularly hard for me) find it difficult to displease people. But as Ron Heifetz said, “Leadership is often a matter of disappointing people at a rate they can stand.” Leadership of any kind, be it in a business, military, church, non-profit, or family, requires making decisions and taking stands that any number of people will not like.
And that’s ok. Because we’re not in leadership for people to like us. That’s not a free pass to be a jerk, but it is to say that you’re in leadership to LEAD. And leading often means taking people in a direction they wouldn’t go on their own.
You may have guessed this, but in order to consistently take stands and be able to withstand the internal and external pressure to give in to group demands, you need to become very aware of who you actually are. It's ironic in many ways, but in order to gain great clarity about myself, I actually need other people around me who know me. I need them to encourage me and hold me to account.
In slightly different words, the effectiveness of your leadership is dependent upon the depth of your formation. It is the person you are (more than any set of skills) that will determine the degree to which you can positively influence others.
I hope this helps you improve the quality of your life and leadership today. Take the stand. It might be hard and there might be pushback, but in the end, you won’t regret it.
Make a great day,
Steve
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